I was chatting with a college friend today, and they mentioned that I was saved as C-Square in their phone. It made me gloriously proud as I reflected on my extra pretentious and live-life-on-the-edge under-graduate days that I’m sure were not nearly as exciting as I’m currently reflecting on.
Is that how it is when you visit your alma mater? I literally moved away just over a month ago, but there was something very bitter sweet about tail-gating in the white tents while passing sorority buttons and blue sports coats. (For those unaware of the South East Conference Greek life, Freshman pledges wear sports coats to football games.)
It’s so bizarre, are my reflections coming back un-edited or are they somehow tinted with a new filter, sharpened, and a touch of brightness added?
No one has called me C-Square since under-grad, and I literally shook. My name is Claire Cumbee, C-Square. The latter two years of under-grad as a bold upperclassman I developed the shortened name I believe after a long game of True American where I was spitting out rap lyrics from the 2000s.
Where is that Claire? I hated that Claire the year after I graduated. Read my first blogs. I detested her, and I was determined to make a complete turn-around from the bold but lofty and proud version that I thought I’d become. That Claire was definitely the reason for all of my problems, so if I could just evolve into a new better Claire, voila, problems erased. Insert self-help, yoga girl podcasts, and a determination to become authentic and always transparent with my intentions.
But, right now? That new Claire sucks. That’s harsh, but really. Maybe some of that fearlessness and rap-game had some perks.
I think I can summarize this efficiently. I’ve written a lot, especially this year about being vulnerable and self-aware. I’ve encouraged my blog-readers to be open and honest about your weaknesses. All of this is very important still. But, just … don’t lose your balls. Stick up for yourself, and know you’re pretty important and have a purpose. When you feel like you have a bit of self-worth I think you become even a bit prettier. Now whether C-Square’s assumption of her vast self-worth was over-compensating for all her weaknesses, I’m not sure. But please allow my current reflection to picture her a complete bad-ass.
It’s strange, this “finding oneself” in your twenties. I teeter back and forth from one extreme to the other so am now contemplating the re-grasping of some of that bold tenacity without losing the authenticity that I’ve tried to cultivate in my short-span of starting this blog.
PSA: True American my friends.