In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-27
So, here I am, with my bible, a gallon of Milo’s Sweet Tea, and a box of Club Crackers on my bed. It’s ok to drink straight from the jug of tea because it saves the amount of cups you have to wash. I got in from the barn about 10pm tonight, and I just couldn’t cook. Plus, crackers and tea sounded like a great option. I love some salty crackers, and Milo’s is on point.
So, I have had a pretty beaming day. My fourth was not that eventful, I didn’t photograph myself on the lake with my buddies on a swan float or even watch fireworks. I think I was in bed by 8pm. (I had woken up to go to a jumping lesson with Philip Dutton in my defense!) But, a late-night conversation and encouraging words from someone little more than an acquaintance, can put into perspective where you see yourself compared to others.
For the most part I don’t consider myself extremely inter-dependent on others’ views. I dress, speak, and make most decisions on a daily basis with what I feel is the right thing to do. In hind sight, I am always really self-aware that in the grand-scheme of my young 20’s my peers, mentors, and little more than acquaintances see my job and living choices as failures to what I had the capacity to accomplish. Like, I almost feel as if, when I’m asked about my life that I need to preface with a, “Don’t worry. Everything is how it’s supposed to be. I’m ok.” For that reason, I have some very re-hearsed lines of goals, the past 6 months, and how I view my job.
“How do you like your job,” asks little more than acquaintance, “I adore it!” I exclaim, “It’s just a small firm, but I get to do a lot of high-level accounting work.” They look concerned, “Do you still ride?” Myself, “Yea, I have a little mare and with my barn only 15 minutes from the office, I get to ride every day.” At this point, I stare at the ground or run away. Why this conversation makes me so uncomfortable, I don’t know.
You just want everyone to know that you’re ok. Because I am. Literally Jesus loves me, my metabolism is as fast as it was when I was 12, and I finally know how to style my hair. Things are good in the hood.
The holidays are a little more strange as a post-graduate. One of my best friend’s made the point that most of my friends are either still in school or recently married. Being a single-working-lady is not extremely prevalent in my little circle, so my daily routine really appears nothing like anyone I know. I’m ok with that, having no pressure to come home from the barn until 10 or study late does not bother me! At least for now.
Anyways, this past weekend I was chatting with a friend I hadn’t spoken to in months, just about being an adult. I think the conversation looked similar to above. Feeling rather sorry for ourselves, he admitted not being in any hurry to settle down. I’m at least ten years his junior, and nodded in agreement that would be silly to do. I admitted that I worried I’d be following my same young professional daily routine the rest of my life. Work to barn to my apartment to crash and start over. He laughed as if that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard and kissed me on the forehead. (I should have prefaced that I’m not interested nor is he in what you are assuming.) He disagreed ardently that, my thought was impossible. I sat there in a dumb surprise, not from my forehead kiss, but that someone cool thought I’d go on to do bigger things.
I think that almost kick-started just a better comfort in that, where I am right now, is perfectly fine for a season. I am in no rush to leave this season, as Mordecai to young Esther said, “And who knows but that you have come to …position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14. I look forward to lots of things, but coasting through each day as it comes knowing that God works for the good for those that trust in him.
I hope that in, word-drowning my blog with events in these funny young-20s days, I can encourage even the slightest upcoming college freshman or awkward middle-school girl, that though you may feel insignificant or that everyone but you has their life together with a bundle of beautiful friends with pretty hair- you’re loved by a Heavenly Father who can show you immeasurable comfort.
I’ll finish with this:
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10